There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
