Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
