I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
