Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
