Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
