i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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