I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
where are my eyebrows?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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