You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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