i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
