my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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