Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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