She said her name was "party"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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