If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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