May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im holly from the hills drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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