My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Where is the hickey?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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