I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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