if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
