Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
