I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
