you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
