dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
