its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
