Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
