I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
