I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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