I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
