sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
