I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
