p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
