From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
