i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
