Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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