I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
