if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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