Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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