I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
