Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
