it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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