It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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