I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize