I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize