I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
