A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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