I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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