we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize