4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
