I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
