our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
