Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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