5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
