Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize