Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
