His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he fucked my hip out of place.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
