You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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