well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
