The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
