i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize