god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
another moral hangover. fuck.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
