I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
