Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
