just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
