Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
