I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
