I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
