If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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