C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
