do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
