Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
