I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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